had the weirdest dream last night. i was on a huge, luxurious, sort-of-haunted hotel where crazy things happened, not coherent at all but that's to be expected. the weird part was me monologuing to myself the entire time about oc lore that was surprisingly sound ?? like i woke up and thought wow i should actually write that down.

maybe it's a sign. my brain really wants to think about nothing but ocs recently.

texted my grandpa bc i missed lunch with him and dad+stepmom today, i slept too much. he's terrible at being cautious with his health, so the entire family has to be fussing over him often. i worry something bad will happen to him because of how careless he is, sometimes.

fortunately he seems to be ok. he also brought up wanting to do something together, which made me happy because it's something that's been on my mind for a while. i want to spend more time with him, but i'm horrible at taking Initiative.

perhaps i'll convince him to go for a walk near the seashore of the city.

i've been seeing tweets of people creating these headers where one picture shows on light mode and another one on dark mode. i spent the afternoon trying to make something similar and ended up with an idea that i think it's pretty cool and adds it's own sort of twist to it.

the only problem is that it looks like ass on iOS bc of the blue background added to the header. i'm thinking of a way to solve it but realistically i'll probably just say "idgaf" and act like it's not happening.

now the only thing left is.. actually drawing my ocs.... all ten of them............... it's so over

found out that the company behind my absolute favorite character/ship is up to some bullshit again i hate them SO MUCH oh my godddd i'm gonna kill you H.E. i hope you burn and go bankrupt. how about working on developing the characters everyone knows already instead of adding new flashy, worthless things huh ?????? idiots. imperialist greedy idiots.

one of the reasons i'm so into my idol ocs rn is definitely because i'm running out of patience with these stupid companies. fuck those guys. going to sleep pissed off because of that.

been feeling very lazy and stupid. i've also been sad and ashamed thinking about how truly fucked up my sleep schedule is.. i keep saying "i'll fix it tonight, i'm sleeping early" and then boom. it's 6AM and i'm laying in bed wide awake, updating my neocities page. just embarrassing.

finals are also coming soon and i'm honestly not in the mood to study at all, at least not for calculus. i could just push it to february and it wouldn't be an issue but do i really want to ?? i can't help but think i'm gonna regret it.....

i'm debating whether i should make a separate social media account for my oc project or not.... i mean, i already have the account idk why i'm lying. i'm just wondering if i actually want to use it.

perhaps i should also give in and just start talking about my ocs here instead of acting all mysterious.

summer technically hasn't even started in my area but it's already pissing me off. it gets sooo damn humid and hot it's unbearable. not to mention there's bugs everywhere, i have a phobia of them so that's not fun at all.

even worse are the blackouts. the one (1) electricity provider in the entire city literally sucks ass and never gets better.... whatever. i just hope the temperatures don't get too bad this time.

i saw someone's screenshot of a fanfic wip on twitter and whatever app they're using has this very nice font called literata, fortunately it didn't take me too long to find it. anyway i got it and now i'm using it in my obsidian app.

i'm surprised i haven't brought it up yet, but i've been obsessed with obsidian.md for like two years now. it's just a notes app but it genuinely changed my life, i don't know where i'd be without it.

if you know how to code, you can do anything you want with it essentialy. i've customized it in basically every way and just find a lot of comfort in being able to do that. there's also a huge community of people (geeks) who've coded very cool things and share them for everyone else.

that said, i do need to refurbish it. i no longer like the look i came up with at the beginning of the year. i also have to reorganize my notes, perhaps. the new bases API release has me very curious to see what i can do with it, haven't taken the time to really check it out.

i've been looking up recordings of "the jellicle ball" performances on youtube and just staring at them like a kid watching skibidi toilet or whatever gen alphas are into now.... it's such an interesting performance.

no one could ever make me hate you cats

leaving this for myself here. youtube has the song region-locked. it's loud so beware.

got my youtube recap !!! and it's.... exactly what i expected. i listen to a lot of random, different stuff every year but i always go back to the same few artists/albums so the recap remains pretty much identical lol.

i told my best friend multiple times that fiction would be at the top of my list, and sure enough. idk why it says japanese version though.. i always listen to the original, korean one but it seems like the official mv is tagged as japanese. who knows how many minutes would actually be if it counted both versions as one.

mixed feelings on the graphic design this year.... like i get what they were going for but the text looks really out of place. they should've used a different font methinks.

didn't do anything today !! just being on twitter like a loser. i also completely forgot i had an exam tomorrow. whatever

the passage of time scares me to no end.... i fear that everyone around me is going to die tomorrow and i'll live to regret not telling them the things i wanted to say. i deeply fear my own death, too.

i miss B. she was the loveliest cat and such a good fit for my personality.... i miss all of the loved ones i lost this year. fuck cancer.

had a dream (nightmare) where a ship i don't like one bit became more popular than my otp.. not pleasant. i hate that yaoi slop ass ship, pissing me off.

god i love cats so much it's not even a joke. i've only been thinking about cats for like a week. it's times like these where i really wish i had more skill for art because the urge to draw my ocs in cats costumes is consuming me but i don't think i can pull it off

i really should be working on my oc's site, at least finishing the design you know. i have the basic structure pinned down so now it's a matter of nailing the details so it fits the aesthetic that i want. i want people to see my ocs, just see them. they mean a lot to me.

there's this one issue with the padding on an element of this website when you see it in firefox that is pissing me off SO BAD i can't find a way to fix it. when i catch you mozilla.... when i catch you.

i really need to fix the css for this site, it's all over the place and has no variables which is #crazy. i'm also still peeved by the overly stretched borders on iOS, they suck but i genuinely got no clue on how to fix them. whatever

i also also kiiiiinda wanna add more sections here, even if it goes against my original vision ? i'm specifically thinking about those shrines, there are some topics and characters i do not play about and they really would need their own page if i want to talk about them.

leaving this song here for myself to play bc i love it, especially rin's voice. so good

freaking out looking through other neocities sites bc everyone has cool art and pages for their ocs.... i want an oc page too !! but i don't have all the drawings i need for it yet !!!!! fuck

i've also been peeking at those webrings, i want to join some but i'm SCARED </333 i was genuinely not socialized enough as a child, this is embarrassing

for now i think i'm just gonna follow some pages about ocs that i want to see updates for. if anyone is reading this after i followed them is probably bc of that. hi

back to talking about things i love, shingancrimsonz. their music is really what first made me pivot towards rock as a genre. they're also technically the reason why i have ocs.. i just wanted a crow of my own ok. look at him

look at that gap moe. UGLY AND STUPID !!!

here's one of my favorite songs from them. warning it's loud, they're always loud.

his voice is so good aghhhhhhhhhhh kishou taniyama i love you forever. they're also so funny as a group ?? it cracks me up really bad just to see them sometimes.

it's not just the boys !! i also like plasmagica a lot, moa and cyan especially. i should probably draw all of them again after literal years of not doing so.

finally gave a more proper design to the landpage, i'm pretty happy with it. i also added an audio player that i'm only like 70% confident will work everywhere, i've never worked with an audio player before..... #spooky

i've been feeling so lazy and dumb lately. i should be doing something.. i don't know what but something....... sigh.

listening to songs from cats (1998) again, i always come back to it at least a couple times per year.. i adore the costumes in this film, they're so charming and the cast's features are so fitting for each cat. look at them !!!

DEMETER !!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!! pleaseee read this article about her and bombalurina because of course hooper took everything interesting about them away in his fuckass, ugly, uncanny cgi movie. i HATE him, how do you miss the point of every single aspect of cats </3 if i ever see that man on the street i am going to jail i swear to god

shout-out to steven mcrae for carrying his number as skimbleshanks not thanks to, but despite hooper's direction and just generally being an incredible performer. this scene in particular is absolutely beautiful and the only moment of joy that film gives me.

regardless, cats is very dear to me and i love seeing other people who enjoy it as well.

i really like those laces at the top of other people's sites so i caved in and added one.. i love laces and bows and pastels, in case you couldn't tell.

also added a thing so you can click on images and see them more closely + some extra thoughts in the captions, try it with the pictures above !! it should work. i hope

also also seems like i forgot to update the site yesterday again, oops. my apolocheese

i wanna try out embedding stuff to my posts !! let's see how much i can make this thing lag.

can't believe it's been like 8 years since my utau phase and me finding this gem. the tuning is incredible for the quality of some voice banks and the original portrait for each character is so fun, i haven't seen it in any other medley. also hakupo is in the video and that immediately makes it a 10/10. i love hakupo

thinking about that one pixiv artist that hasn't posted since 2019 and deleted their only social media account linked there before i even saw them for the first time. i hope they know i miss them and i've cried over their art many times, it's one of my biggest inspirations. that's exactly the kind of art i aspire to make.

this site has almost 300 views which makes me kinda nervous in a good way.... thanks for checking it out ♡ hope anyone seeing this thinks it's cute at least

i've been thinking about interacting more with others in neocities.. there's tons of cool sites here, i'd love to at least make sure they know i admire their work but i'm scared aghhh

being highly socially anxious even online makes things so difficult </3 that's also why there's no place to leave comments here, though if you're clever enough you can find me on ig/twt. i'd love to talk especially if it's about my or your idol ocs. i love idol ocs.

it's annoying that i don't necessarily want to be the best at art, i just want to be able to express the feelings and vibe i desire through my drawings and so far it's not really happening.... the art i like is often very loose, freehanded and relies on flow; i'm extremely stiff and cautious when i draw or paint, in comparison. ugh

i've been pondering whether i should talk about my ocs here or not, my idea is to make a separate website for them, after all.

for now i'm just gonna say i'm very happy with them, just obsessed. fandoms are fun but i can be pretty sensitive abt characters, shipping, nsfw content, etc. the lack of control over the narrative and uncertainty of how the canon material is going to continue makes me uneasy. it's so fun to have a set of characters that i can play around with while having full control of them.

i hate being brokeeee i hate living in the global south i hate this house where everything is ugly and doesn't match and every door is broken or about to break. i hate being too much of a pussy to get a job or even just open up art commissions and make some extra bucks from that. i hate that mom has to worry about making it to the end of the month with enough money. i hate that she cannot buy more things for herself like yarn to do the crocheting she likes so much.

my kitten, let's call her M, is growing so fast. i'm a proud cat mother.

i edit this site externally with vscode before uploading the changes to neocities, and my dumbass forgot to update the actual page with yesterday's post. whatever.

i truly love arctic monkeys' work, every single album is incredible and a joy to listen to. i don't know where i'd be right now without them.

i passed my exam, i'm out of jail !!! well not really but i'm done with this particular course at least.... honestly it was the worst one i've had so far, not due to difficulty but because it was completely disorganized. shout-out to the students i did the group assignments with for carrying me through it because i genuinely didn't understand what was happening or what we were supposed to do 80% of the time lol.

also yeah i skipped a day here for the first time yesterday, nothing really happened that was worth writing about.

feeling guilty for not studying oughhhh i need to lock in.

period cramps are killing me and exams are coming but i lowkey don't care

i feel like my english sucks lately. looking back at my posts online, something feels wrong but i can't quite put my finger on what.... maybe it's too wordy? it just doesn't "flow" the way that i want it to y'know.

i've been thinking about how i wish mom and i could do more things together, but she doesn't really cooperate.... i wish i could be more expressive and confident around my family as a whole.

kind of ashamed to admit i'm quite digging electricity from arctic monkeys rn.... i've always viewed it as one of their 'meh' tracks but it seems like i had a change of heart.

i also started to get into love is a laserquest. i adore sias' summer vibe but it also makes me very sad which is why i've been postponing listening to it in full.

i hear funkopop is possibly going out of business ??? wow christmas came early. i've been a funkopop hater since day one, it's so annoying to see the few anime-themed stores in my area have walls full of ugly funkos when they could have something better like witch hat atelier's 13th volume you know.

drew my oc and it honestly came out way better than i expected to the point it's making me kinda nervous. i have to make similar drawings for another 10 ocs at least and i don't know if i'm gonna be able to reach this quality again..... the consequences of "fuck it we ball"-ing art i guess.

i spent all day thinking about the dream i had last night. i won't go into details but it ended in the middle of a long, tight hug with someone who's no longer here. i woke up more smoothly than usual so it took a bit to regain control of my body, register my sorroundings and realize none of it was real.

songs i really like rn:

i haven't seen csm i just have a parasocial relationship with kenshi yonezu. bremen ruined me.

i need to draw my ocs again, i hate how long it takes me to get a drawing to a point where i like it...... i guess i'll have to practice.

it's been like 2 months since my cat B passed away. my current cat is only around 5 weeks old, but she's already very different, more friendly and silly. holding her in my arms makes me miss B sometimes.

today was one of those days where a bunch of small negative interactions accumulated and now i feel stupid, guilty, out of place.

ok i feel better now. i spent like 3 hours trying to fix some issues on safari/iOS. everything should look fine now except for the border-image being weirdly stretched, idk how to fix that.

i'm tempted to add a little landing page, maybe i'll make a design for it tomorrow.

updated the site again !! i'm still having fun. i added filters and an index for all the posts. i looked through other people's diaries on neocities and decided to add a "subject" field, though it isn't mandatory or that important. most days will probably contain a bunch of unrelated thoughts anyway.

recently i watched this video about infamous animated movie foodfight! and i can't stop thinking about it. i knew about it's existence but all i remembered at this point was that 1. it was bad, and 2. there was an 'original version' of the movie that looked better, but the files were stolen/lost thus the crew had to remake everything from scratch.

but apparently that was allegedly a lie from kasanoff (director) so investors wouldn't pressure him while he forced the animators to figure out mocap, all because he wanted to direct the movie like it was live-action ?? i just think it's crazy that we only discovered that more than a decade after it's release.

kasanoff walked like an idiot so tom hooper could run like a dumbass. i hate them both lowkey.

i'm still thinking about what exactly i want to use this site for.... probably for anything that i'm not comfortable just tweeting. maybe at some point i'll add more things

i made my own borders !!!!!! they're cute i think. i've always avoided border-image on css bc i thought it was going to be complicated but it's actually pretty easy. shout-out to this site for showing me the way. css is amazing.

anyways i also remade the entire page from scratch, it's responsive and rather simple/cryptic on purpose. i had a lot of fun coding ♡ i might change the font later but i like karla so far, it's one of my faves.

idk if i should even call this a blog...... i've never blogged before, is it like this? i just want to write stuff down like i do on twitter except i don't have to fear the algorithm randomly deciding a tweet i wrote in 30 seconds deserves 100k likes or something. i'm too anxious for that.

there's also no character limit which is nice, i tend to ramble. also also no grok. or nazis.

ok i'm awake way too late again but i like this design a little better. maybe this is less of a blog and more of a diary.

hello it's like 5 AM rn and i decided to make a blog. yay

i used a cute template i found as you can probably tell, people that make free templates have my heart. anyways when i wake up i'll figure things out and make a fully original site. i can code i swear

according to my calculations i should be getting my 365-day streak on crossnerdle at around christmas.... very jolly